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Nat 20: A Dimension 20 Fan Album

by Jackson Machesky

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1.
I’m by myself at prom feeling shook to the bone I confessed my feelings, ended up hurt and alone All I do is bully, attack, and yell Every day is my own personal hell But my facade has cracked, I fear my cover’s blown But when my new friend Gorgug came up to me Kissed me like I was a somebody My heart exploded like a bomb Hey Mom! I got kissed at prom My fears are beginning to end I gotta help all my new friends Wait! I know exactly what I’ll say (Hey!) Check it out, I’m gay! Check it out, I’m gay! Don’t give a f*ck what they’ll say I’m starting to live the dream, so now I’m gonna scream Check it out, I’m gay (Hey, check it out, he’s gay) Check it out, I’m Ga-a-a-a-a-y (Hey, check it out, he’s gay) I finally feel that it’s okay to cry I’m gay now! and I couldn’t feel more alive There’s no days off when you’re an Owlbear Hoot Growl (Hoot Growl!) will fill the air As the bad kids fight to save all of Sylvare Fuck it, let’s fight! I’m determined to unlock my heart Or my name isn’t Ragh Barkrock All these suppressed feelings inside I can’t wait to wave my flag with pride Those who say this is a turnoff Well, they can go fuck right off Hey, Goldenhoard! Now it’s time to pay (Hey!) Check it out, I’m gay! Check it out, I’m gay! Don’t give a f*ck what they’ll say I’m starting to live the dream, so now I’m gonna scream Check it out, I’m gay I’ve been stuck alone on some broken glass, trying not to fall (cause it’s invisible!) But my new friends and allies gave me a lifeline, I no longer feel like an oddball Kristen says, “When you’re gay, you’re family” and I feel a noise rise deep within me Saying, “I’m truly proud of who I am” Key Change! Check it out, I’m gay! Check it out, I’m gay! Don’t give a f*ck what they’ll say I’m finally living the dream, so I’m gonna scream Check it out, I’m gay
2.
Do you hear the sound of kingdoms falling? Do you hear the cry of a hero’s end? Do you see the march of advancing armies? Do you feel the knife planted by a friend? Where do you turn when you lost your future? How do you go on when you’re filled with dread? Why do you dare to drive yourself forward? What do you do with the crown of candy on your head? There’s danger Around every corner For the House of Rocks Who can you trust?
3.
Failed 03:50
I’ve sewn my wounds shut But I’m picking at the seams I’m lost and I’m tired I don’t know what strength I require I’ve failed I’ve failed I’ve failed you The past remains present It consumes all I feel It stings like a knife My shame outlasts your life I’ve failed I’ve failed I’ve failed you I will crawl out of pit to prove to myself that I won’t fail again I will do whatever it takes to redeem to myself ‘cause I won’t fail again I will pick myself up I will stand up tall I may feel that I have failed But I will not fall on my heels I may be lost But I know which path I will choose I will protect those That I cannot lose And with a raise of my sword I’ll face the armies and yell “You won’t have my last word before I drag you to hell!” If they wanted me gone They should’ve finished the job I will not fail you again Until my heart stops I can’t fail again No, I won’t fail again I can’t fail again No, I won’t fail again
4.
I have no strength left Nothing left to spend Just this newfound rift With no torturous end I miss your bright smile Licorice on your breath Filled with conviction and guile Now the nothing of death Oh, why did I run? Cowardice filled my blood But with the morning sun Your shadow lingers on You follow my every move Ever-present, ever-gone Consumed with a bright gloom Oh, how do I move on? You were the one I could count on I have nothing to fall back on You were the yin to my yang, the sun to my moon I hope we can reunite soon Your jet black shadow haunts me where ever I go Lost in half of a memory that’s trapped me Somewhere in between the dead and the living I can’t keep giving and giving I’m trapped by your ghost, your jet black shadow Circumstances are stark And tears have choked my eyes You’re stuck in the dark And only seen by light You won’t be replaced No matter how hard they try You step with me in this space And exist in my mind You were the one I could count on I have nothing to fall back on You were the yin to my yang, the sun to my moon I hope we can reunite soon Your jet black shadow haunts me where ever I go Lost in half of a memory that’s trapped me somewhere in between The dead and the living. I can’t keep giving and giving I’m trapped by your ghost, your jet black shadow My jet black shadow
5.
I’ve lived a life that’s small and putrid, drowning in regret There are things I’ve done that I’d like to forget A lifetime spent in the sewers with a light at the end of the tunnel An approaching subway car; destination: the concrete jungle And you work conducting train through snow and rain I know I’ve stained your soul with abandonment and pain But Wally you don’t seem to mind You conduct your work with pride As you drive this subway to collide with the outside of my heart Now how do I depart? You’re the best son that I could have asked for, you beautiful bastard Cause I don’t deserve all this love without heed Soon the world discover your compassion for others I can’t help but wonder what things you will achieve If I was a better father, I would have worked harder And would have gone farther to see you succeed But now I have to leave So can I just say Of all the things that give me hope Things that make me feel alive Inside, what fills me with pride Is you and your brother You both make me stronger And of all the things that I’ve done wrong Of all the people I’ve betrayed I pray that I could just stay To watch you both grow But now I must go And even though this is a last goodbye You should know that as I pass beyond this life I’ll watch you grow and work and love and sacrifice Wally and David, I love you more than all things I spent so many years defiant, feeling sorry for myself But I slowly recognized the suffering I’d dealt So I developed the perspective to see others in distress And from that point on I’ve aided my fellow dispossessed But you have the natural empathy that it took me years to see Helping those fucked by scumbag businessmen like me David, my son, I’m proud of the man you’ve become You’re someone I wish I was when I was young But I ran away from my feelings, abandoned my family Wally, and you: the two who needed me most You’re a f*ckin’ ball-buster with a passionate luster To protect others without as much as a boast And I know you don’t forgive me, I would say I’m sorry But there’s no apology that would let me hold you close Just let me try my utmost And can I just say I have to go I feel my consciousness expand I can’t have what I want Some dreams have to end But Wally, David, just know in your heart That I’ll be protecting you from somewhere I’m so proud of you Goodbye. Goodbye!
6.
Captain Jack is a cursed sailor Captain Jack is a cursed sailor We once served a rat named Jack Brakkow The crew on his ship two years ago now A ship that just had just unfurled its sails A maiden voyage destined to fail He rented a ship from the Crescent Moon Along with his first mate, Clive McDoon Who brought the stone that ensured our doom Aboard The Late Bloomer, our eternal tomb A smile on his face, our captain wails “All abroad, men, there’s plenty of ale” We sing and cheer, the whole night long Shanties like this, our eternal song This is calm before the storm We’d all be dead before the morn Lightning strikes and boulder-sized hail Pierced the deck and our bodies like nails, Captain Jack yelled, man your stations! As Clive McDoon smiled, curse him to damnation We attempted in vain through the pouring rain To chart a path through the dangerous wrath But one lightning strike and one strong wave Ripped the ship apart, splinters set ablaze A storm built out of mystical means Drowned out the sound of our dying screams And Captain Jack, his heart gripped by fear Watched his crew disappear through the veil of tears Now Captain Jack lives among the mold A barbarous beast whose story’s grown old Surrounded by ghosts, our loyalty sworn Singing this shanty forevermore
7.
Sisters 03:57
Inferior I felt truly inferior Surrounded by a spell of fear and panic that consumed my interior Invisible They made me feel so invisible The emotional abuse that gripped my heart and made existing unbearable All the fears and the anxieties The constant insecurity That plagued me every second of every day I left that all behind In the forest where nightmares come to life And here I found you in all this pain It’s the same pain that I recognize in your face The same pain I felt when mom and dad made me feel like a disgrace The same pain we unleashed when we lashed out without a care The same pain we now must share Let’s be sisters Finally together Let’s throw away the animosity And see that what we needed was each other Let’s be sisters The ones we both deserve Mom and Dad drove us apart, so now let’s Start to mend the bridges that we’ve burned Oh, let’s be sisters This manufactured war that we’ve raged It’s not what we wanted No, the battlefield was staged By the two who authored every page Of our lives, left us feeling unwanted And the pain will hold on Cause life isn’t a song Maybe we’ll find we belong In each other’s arms So let’s be sisters Now free from the abuse Just you and me inside a world That’s shown us we can share this love if we so choose At last, we’re sisters
8.
Through a window pane of glass, I overlooked a starlit sea; where did she go? She left me alone A joyless child who’s trapped behind the locked door of a dark room made of stone Just skin and bone Two kind blue eyes that said I’m perfect as I am - my one last ray of hope Smothered by the smoke Of the red hot brand that etched the burning pain of frostbite on my very soul I was on my own Yet a storm grows deep inside It’s untameable Now with allies at my side We’re unbreakable On the battlefield flying high I’m inescapable A tempestous flood is nigh Freedom’s attainable I will breed thunder and chaos And I will rule Descending down a mountain with a group of so-called family in the frost They all seem lost I’ve aided them and sacrificed my plans without asking for any cost Yet they’re still cross They question my intentions and they act without a care for my own thoughts It’s ambivalence they flaunt But we have a war to win, so our alliance remains strong in the assault We must overcome what fraught Fingers-crossed A storm grows deep inside It’s untameable Now with allies at my side We’re unbreakable On the battlefield flying high I’m inescapable A tempestous flood is nigh Freedom’s attainable I will breed thunder and chaos I’m tired of this dance With this family, I’ll be strong Could this be my chance To feel like I belong?
9.
The looming specter of failure lies ahead A shadow of great expectations in my head I must honor the family name I must live up to my father’s fame I can’t disappoint my friends or I’ll feel dead But then a 1, 2, 3, 4 Feet on the floor Step after step Can’t catch my breath As I kiss her A fiery partner Pas de Bourree Surrounded by flames My passion ignited Don’t try fight it Tapping my feet Twirling elven sheets A champion no more In the College of Swords A newfound transformation Bardic inspiration! I’m gonna build a dance studio And go skip rocks in the river Play some tunes over the radio As my confidence grows even bigger Papa, I hope that you are proud of me And the path I’ve paved in your stead Because toxic masculinity is dead (toxic masculinity is dead) F*ck it, I dance now! (Hoot Growl!) (AHHHH!) Wave my sheet in the air like I just don’t care (AHHHH!) Sheathe the insecurities I had to bear (AHHHH!) I’m gonna be me, gonna build my own legacy (AHHHH!) With my friends standing beside me, I finally feel seen (Fabian fin’ly feels seen x2) I feel seen! I’ve fin’ly gotten in touch with my elven roots A pirouette, a chassé drives failure away; that no one can dispute I’m Fabian Aramais Seacaster And I’ve found my passion, no longer a disaster Nightmares be damned, I’m gonna save Spyre, with all growls and hoots But then a 5, 6, 7, 8 I can’t see straight Where are my friends? When does the pain end? Chungle-Down Bim As the light grows dim Sexy rat, gonna f*ck me Throw a shrimp party Run through the forest Approaching the chorus Lay down on the ground Don’t make a sound But I faced my fears I find myself in tears Of this newfound realization Bardic inspiration! I used to think my friends only respected what was given to me from you But now I know that my friends love me for who I am, not what I could do Papa if only you could see how I’ve gotten out of my head Because toxic masculinity is dead (toxic masculinity is dead) F*ck it, I dance now! (Hoot Growl, motherf*ckers!) (AHHHH!) Wave my sheet in the air like I just don’t care (AHHHH!) Sheathe the insecurities I had to bear (AHHHH!) I’m gonna be me, gonna build my own legacy (AHHHH!) With my friends standing behind me, I finally feel seen (Fabian fin’ly feels seen x2) I feel seen! Look at me now! Look at me now! My friends got my back, and evil we disavow I’m finally me, building my own legacy! I’m filled with joy, the Bad Kids are proud of me (F*ck it, Fabian dances now! x2) They’re proud of me!\

about

A collection of songs that I made for Dropout's tabletop RPG series Dimension 20. These songs were made over the course of seven months, beginning with Check It Out, I'm Gay in June 2020 and ending with F*ck It, I Dance Now in January 2021. All rights to any characters mentioned in these songs belong to Dropout. Check out sig-figs.bandcamp.com for more work made by fellow D20 artists (including myself) coming soon!

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released January 20, 2021

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Jackson Machesky Boston, Massachusetts

Composer, singer, and musician based in Boston. Self-taught, ever-learning music producer. Member of the Boston University Dear Abbeys and the Sig Figs Collective.

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